


Jamie Johnson's Diary: The Ghost of Haldir

by jobiwonkanobi



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jobiwonkanobi/pseuds/jobiwonkanobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie Johnson, a young woman from earth who has died and been sent to Lothlorien all to save a certain soul. Who would have thought that certain someone was the grumpy marchwarden of Lorien? Jamie is armed with only a notebook and a ballpoint pen as she haunts the realm unnoticed, except by Haldir of course. He just can't seem to get rid of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And on the Third Day

DAY 1  
Okay. Day 1. How should I start this?  
How about this: I'm a newly dead girl who's been placed in Middle Earth for some reason. It's 365 days before Frodo brings the One Ring to Lothlorien, which is where I've been 'stationed' I guess.  
All I know is that I have to save someone. Not sure who this person is. No idea if I'm supposed to save them physically or mentally. The voice only told me that instead of going to the afterlife, I could go here. I accepted of course. Back in my old life I was obsessed with anything J.R.R. Tolkien. I could spend hours researching facts and watching the Peter Jackson movies, fantasizing about traveling with Gandalf or pulling pranks with Merry and Pippin.  
Though now that I'm actually here, it's not as fun as I thought. More like really confusing and frustrating trying to find my purpose.

 

DAY 2  
Turns out I can touch anything that doesn't breathe. I just go straight through anything that does. Hm. I guess that means no frickle-fracking for me. Not that I did that in my previous life anyway, but it would be nice to have the option…  
Shame…these elves are pretty spicy. Seems my hormones are still intact, though I don't need to eat or go to the bathroom.  
GALADRIEL CAN SEE ME! I REPEAT! GALADRIEL CAN SEE ME!  
Wait. Why would I have to save her?  
Okay, turns out she's not the one I have to save. She can just see me because she's all powerful and stuff like that. Galadriel says that the person I have to save may come upon me in the most surprising way.  
I asked her what she meant by that and she just gave me an irritatingly pretty smile. ugh.  
Hm right. Must go find my so called 'patient', but until I find him, I think I'lll use this new found stealth to my advantage and go cause some mischief. Mwahaha.

 

DAY 3  
So the elves of Lothlorien are now thoroughly freaked out. Well, all but Galadriel. She probably knows no elf in their right mind would leave a trail of lembas bread crumbs from someones door winding all around the realm and back to the start. Like unless Galadriel knows about Hansel and Gretel, she probably knows it's me. She's cool though, she hasn't tried to stop me at all.  
You know, I haven't ran into Haldir: Le Marchwarden of Lorien yet. I really want to see if he's as serious and sulky as he is in the movies. Wonder how I should annoy him?  
Strolling through the random paths of trees I looked all around, not really paying attention to where I was going, too busy trying to think of a plan to bug Haldir. Still haven't seen him even though I've been walking around all day. Maybe because I've been a little distracted with following different elves around.  
"My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns. hun." I sang, doing a little dancing with my walking. Thank God no one can see me right now.  
"Stand still." a strong voice called from my side.  
"Agh" I said spinning around. A tall menacing looking blond elf was standing in front of me. He was pointing an arrow in my direction, but it couldn't have been pointing it at me. I casually looked behind me. No one. Hmmm. "Uhhhhh me?" I questioned as I raised an eyebrow.  
"Yes you." he said impatiently, still pointing his stick of doom at my head. "Why are you wandering in our borders. Have you business here?"  
"Well I'm kind of a ghost, and um….I don't have a purpose. The good ole Ainur sent me?" I said, ending with a question because I think I just figured out who I'm supposed to save and didn't want to tell him. Haldir. Of course it's the grumpiest elf in Lothlorien. And of course he caught me unexpectedly, just as Galadriel said. Although, I don't know if she predicted it would have been while I was jamming out to 'Baby got Back' in my head.  
"I do not believe you. Now tell me your purpose." He was getting more impatient, I could tell. I rolled my eyes at his prissiness.  
"Ok fine. Don't believe me? Watch this" I said as I started walking back into the main part of the realm where the elves dwelled. He followed, though his bow was still held taught. Finally reaching a wise looking elf who was reading some sort of scroll by one of the many fountains, I reached out and put my hand straight through his head. Haldir's eyes widened comically, making me grin wildly.  
"What is this sorcery?" he exclaimed making the wise looking elf look up in surprise.  
"Haldir, I did not know you were off guard duty. Are you well? You look quite shaken." Haldir composed his face as he realized the elf had no idea I had stuck my hand through his brain. Stiffly he replied:  
"I am quite well thank you. If you will excuse me, I must go back to duty." Nodding curtly, he walked away quite efficiently, purposefully not looking my way again.


	2. Falling Out of Trees and Brushing My Cow

DAY 4  
Why the heck does Haldir keep walking by when I'm doing something really weird?  
I was being all super secret agent as I went to go find him again because I wanted to see how he was doing after our encounter yesterday. I was literally humming the Mission Impossible theme song under my breath. And of course, I'm not very sneaky even as a ghost. So, mid-barrel roll between two trees he approached me.  
"Woah. Uh hey Haldir, how's it going?" I said casually, pretending that I wasn't just rolling around on the ground trying to spy on him.  
"I have asked many of my guards if they have seen a strange woman in the woods. They all have said no. I have accepted that you are a figment of my mind. Do please leave me alone from now on." He turned away, about to go back to his guard duty.  
I followed him, jogging to keep up with with his long strides. "Soooo why do you think I'm a hallucination?" I questioned, not giving up yet. He raised an eyebrow as he looked sideways at me.  
"What else could you possibly be?" I opened my moth to retort but then shut it. If I was him I'd think I was crazy too. We both walked in silence for a while. "Tell me, why are you dressed so strange." I grinned at him. He couldn't contain his curiosity. So cute, must not fangirl.  
I looked down at myself. All I was wearing was a plaid shirt, skinny jeans, and worn in brown hiking boots. "Well where I come from, these are perfectly acceptable. Pretty much everybody wears jeans,and I wore all this because I wasn't really that into fashion." I said. He nodded but did not say anything. The rest of the day I just followed him around as he met up with various guards, listening up on any news for the one ring. Also I checked him out. A lot.

DAY 5  
The next day, I wandered around Caras Galadhon, stopping by Galadriel's chambers to wave hello, then continued out to Explore the trees of Lorien. Trying to think of another way to sneak up on Haldir, I looked up at the beautiful canopy and the falling leaves. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. I cackled like a crazy person and ran towards the northern borders where Haldir was situated

Surveying the tree I wanted to climb, I took a deep breath. I had to get up quick before Haldir walked by, but I hadn't done something like this since I was ten. I really don't think dying increased my climbing abilities either, so I awkwardly just went up and hugged the trunk, seeing if it would help.  
Nope.  
Looking like some demented frog, I hopped up and down until grasping the lowest hanging branch. Scrambling up onto it, I'm sure I exalted the most beautiful display of feminine grace and poise.  
After the first branch, it became easier to maneuver myself up on the limbs. Soon I was concealed pretty high up, clutching on for dear life of course, even though I knew nothing bad would happen if I fell. My eyes widened at a sudden thought. I was such a creeper right now! Dear Valar it sure is fun.  
"I know you are there strange one." Called a smooth voice. Of course it was Haldir. I peered over the branch I was sitting on and stuck my tongue out at him.  
"You're no fun." I said, now trying to make my way back down to talk to him. More like make random comments whilst he gives me "you idiot" looks. Though he should be grateful, I'm trying to save his life here. As I made my way down, I suddenly slipped and fell backwards, rushing towards the ground. I made a high pitched strangled sound as I landed in a very firm pair of arms.(A/N: oh heck no, this is not going to be one of those moments where they look deep into each other's eyes and almost kiss. nope. I'll save that for later) I looked up at his face and promptly screamed as I scrambled away from his hands.  
"You! You can touch me!" I exclaimed, not sure what this mean't.  
"Yes. Yes, I can. Why can I touch you when no one else can?" Haldir asked, looking puzzled. My eyes widened, I wasn't sure I was ready for this conversation yet. Regaining my composure, I scratched my nose and started to back away slowly.  
"Psh, no idea. I um, forgot. I have to go…brush my…cow. Peace out!" I mumbled out as I turned around and ran all the way back to Caras Galadhon, all the while thinking about how nice it was to feel a person's touch again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is really short but I felt like this was a good place to leave off at. Next chapter will have more journal entries and awkward encounters. please review!


	3. May the Pinecone of Doom Fall Upon You

DAY 6  
Giving up sneaking up on Haldir today, I just walked to the northern borders. I still haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him why he can see and touch me. Like how do you even approach that? 'Hey Haldir you may possibly die or something in the near future, I'm not really sure. All I know is that your screwed and a dead 20 year old from another world has to save you. Not to mention said girl can't even make toast without catching something on fire. No biggy.'  
As I neared the forests eves of Nimrodel, panic started to kick in. I didn't really want him to find out I was his 'redeemer' yet. Couldn't I just do the deed and move on? Maybe I could stay and wander Middle Earth and see all the wonders afterwards?

Approaching Haldir and what I guessed to be his brothers Orophin and Rumil(It's hard to tell around here. They're all hot and blond.), I leaned against a tree and surveyed him. He seemed less formal when he conversed with his family compared to when he was with his other guard companions.  
I wolf-whistled loudly and gave him a suggestive expression when he turned to look. He murmured something to his brothers and walked straight past me. Smiling at his obvious discomfort of being around me, I let him lead me to a secluded part of the forest.  
"Are you here to explain your presence in my life?" he asked, finally turning around to look at me.  
"Well, I'll tell you what I know. I'm not exactly too familiar with the situation myself either." He nodded. "Basically as I said earlier, I'm a ghost, meaning I have died and come back as a spirit. All I know is that I've been sent here to save someone. That someone is you." I said, looking to see his face. He gazed straight back.  
"I do not see the need for you to pursue me everywhere." he proclaimed smoothly. I glowered at him.  
"You think I want to be here stuck in a foreign place where the only person I can talk to is you? When I accepted this offer, I thought I would be able to travel and explore, talk to different chara-…people. There were so many things I've wanted to do, but I can't, because I can only speak to you. It wasn't exactly my ideal choice to have to follow around a super grumpy antisocial individual all the time. I'm not Edward Cullen. Damn."  
"I do not need saving. You do not need to watch me as if I were some petulant child." he responded, cool and collected, whilst I was an angry mess.  
"You want me to let you die? Are you shitting me? I can't believe this. I've heard of the stubbornness of dwarves, but I don't think eventhey can compare to you!" I exclaimed.  
"Farewell" Haldir said stiffly as he turned to walk back to his guard duties. So furious by his dismissal, I picked up a nearby fallen pinecone and hurled it at the back of his head. At his startled noise, I ran like the wind back to Caras Galadhon.  
DAY 7  
Deciding to ignore Haldir for the day, I was now en route to Galadriel's pavilion area. The beautiful winding staircase wrapping the tree was very easy to climb now that I had endless stamina. When I reached her chamber area, I saw she was seated at a table, reading some old looking scrolls. She glanced up, smiling like she knew I would be coming.  
"Hello Jamie, how are you faring?" I sighed, pulling up a chair and slumping into it.  
"Haldir and I got into a fight yesterday." Galadriel gave me a look that conveyed I needed to explain. "I kind of told him I was sent to save him, which made him pissy, so he said he didn't need saving. I basically told him he was an idiot and I didn't want to follow him around. This led to him to walking away from me, which in turn made me kind of chunk a pinecone at his head…" I finished, awkwardly trailing off. I opened up this journal and started doodling.  
"It seems as if the two of you are still adjusting to the situation that has befallen you. Do be patient, soon you will understand." she said to me. I nodded glumly. "May I see?" she questioned, gesturing at my journal. I probably would have been blushing profusely if I was still alive as I passed her my notebook. She laughed lightly as she looked upon my piece of art. By piece of art I mean a crudely drawn stick figure of Haldir getting pelted by flaming pinecones.  
"It still needs some work." I mumbled as she passed back my journal. Smiling she led me to the door.  
"Do not be upset young one. Time will tell you why it is Haldir you must save." she said as she patted my shoulder. Paying my farewell, I left her pavilion and went to go find some 'sleeping' elves to draw ink mustaches on. Let me tell you, it's very hard to see if they are resting or not when their eyes are open. Creepy really.


	4. Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me!

DAY 9

Grabbing an elvish cloak on my way out to find Haldir, I convinced myself that the situation between the two of us could not change. We will both have to grit our teeth and bear each other until whatever fate we meet.

Approaching the area that Haldir would pass by on his afternoon rounds, I picked a spot and crouched down, completely covering myself in the cloak. Hopefully I'll look like Sam and Frodo when they were spying on the black gates, almost getting caught by a cruel black eyed man of Mordor.

Trying to breathe quietly, I thought about how awesome this idea was. There's no way he would see me. I'm practically invisible. Feeling rather smug, I definitely did not expect to hear a frustrated sigh and feel a sharp poke at my side.

"Gahhh" I cried, trying to untangle myself from the fabric that encircled me. Finally, I managed to dislodge myself and looked up.

Haldir gazed down at me. "You breathe so loud, I could have shot you in the dark." he promptly said as I huffed and tried to seem at least slightly dignified as I staggered into a standing position.

"Hey Haldir, I didn't expect you to be around here." I replied, trying to look nonchalant as I leaned up against a tree.

"Do not act as if you do not know my routine. Speak you reason for disturbing my rounds."

"Oh my God Haldir, you need to get laid so bad." I exclaimed, rolling my eyes. Upon seeing his shocked expression, I clapped my hand over my mouth. Then I started laughing. I had just told one of the hottest elves ever that he needed to do the dirty. Clutching my sides, I doubled over in giggles. Haldir still looked abashed.

All four of my Tumblr followers would be soooo jealous right now.

Finally gathering my breath, I directed my eyes back to Haldir. His expression was serious. "If I were to lay with an elleth, I would become married" he stated. My mouth gaped open.

"Are you serious? That's crazy, you guys live for like thousands of years!" I exclaimed.

He nodded his head. "This is why so many elves are not promised to another. It is difficult to find the one who you will spend the rest of your days with."

I observed him. His golden hair was neat and long. His armor perfectly situated and useful looking. Though under all the poised behavior, he seemed sad. Like he was content, but at the same time, wanted something more in life. Haldir cleared his throat. I whipped my head up in horror. He had just caught me checking him out.

"What is your name, wanderer?" he questioned.

Smiling, I rolled my eyes. It's been like eight days and he just now asks. "Johnson." I paused. "Jamie Johnson." Felling quite dramatic, I twirled around and walked away, leaving Haldir to revel in my probably odd sounding name.

DAY 10

"Yo ho, yo ho! A pirate's life for meeeeeee!" I bellowed as I tried not to fall out of the boat. Dear Lord my mother would not approve. She was always telling me to 'act like a lady' and crap like that. Even though that woman was bat-shit crazy, I do miss her. She was my mom after all.

Struggling to row the boat without looking like it was rowing itself, I finally pushed off the shore and was now en route towards the exit of the loading dock. Feeling like Jack Sparrow, I didn't realize for a few moments that Haldir was on the shoreline, staring at me in bewilderment. I clumsily steered my boat in his direction. Stopping in front of him, I smiled widely.

"Lady Jamie, pray tell, why do we meet in this strange location?"

"I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically." I declared, putting on my best pirate facade.

He rolled his eyes at my antics. "Why are you attempting to steer a boat of Lorien?"

I scoffed. "Attempting? Ha! I think the correct term is succeeding. Do you not see how far I have ridden? 'Tis almost ten feet!"

"I think it would be best for you to come back to shore my lady. The citizens of this realm may think there is a haunted boat on our waters." He warned.

"No, I shan't!" I paddled around in a circle before turning to face him again. "I shall name this ship the Black Pearl, and I shall be it's captain!" I exclaimed. Haldir raised an eyebrow at me before walking off.

"Savvy?" I yelled after him. He didn't stop walking but he did turn his head to briefly glance at me. I swear I saw him smile slightly.

"This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you almost captured Jamie Johnso-AGH" I yelled as I tripped backwards into the boat. Lying on my back, I gazed up at the blue sky. I vowed from this day on, I would be Haldir's hero, if only to see him smile.


End file.
